Monday, August 22, 2016

Speed Ball Training with Siri (Mongki as coach)

Who needs expensive kitty toys when you have a plastic cup, some string and puffy balls lying around?

Saturday, July 9, 2016

scared

some work-related adjustments are opening up opportunities for me to write again, and i'm scared as sh*t.

as the few readers of this blog can surely see, i haven't posted anything in months. i meant to, it's not for lack of topics, but perhaps a lack of will. and confidence.

the kind of work that i do (i currently copy-edit stories for an online publication) requires me to be strict when it comes to factual accuracy and as much as possible, be perfect in all things grammar. i'm no grammar nazi. i make mistakes myself, and i think i've learned to just ignore the errors i see in other people's work, especially if writing isn't really part of their profession (i quietly judge them sometimes though, but usually just the ones who say they're reading this book and that, or watching this show and that, because hey if you're really an avid reader/viewer, you should have picked up proper english by now - snooty me).

i envy them sometimes - how they are able to come up with words to express themselves, tell the interwebz about their life without minding whether a particular piece conforms to ap style.

i've grown more conscious about word use, but in return i've lost confidence in my own writing style. i've come to believe that the way i write has not really improved. my working vocabulary is still the same, i haven't really incorporated new descriptive words. things are still pretty simple in this corner of the blogosphere.

i'm afraid to let loose, afraid i don't really have anything interesting to say.

i've been looking at writing prompts online to somehow get me started with writing again, but i find myself uninterested. or i begin to think, that's a long story, and i don't have the time patience to sit and write that down.

in january, a friend and i went for a day hike up mt. ulap, which is just around 40 minutes away from the city. he pitched the idea of a collaborative project about our little adventure: he would take photos, and i could write about the experience. it's july and i haven't really written a word. i have some phrases written down on a few sheets of paper - my impressions of the place, the things that interested me the most. but i couldn't do the colorful captions, the ones you usually read in travel sites describing a place.

that's nothing new for me, really. i've always struggled with the "show, don't tell" part of writing a narrative. i don't think i have the right verbal creativity needed for travel blog-worthy descriptions. or perhaps this is just me coming up with excuses. i've always wanted to write about the things i've done, the places i've visited, the stuff i've learned. but when i see all these other people already writing about the same stuff, i lose heart.

now i realize i'm forgetting the whole point.

writing, like sketching, is an activity that lots of other people may be doing, but you all come up with different outputs. one's experience is different from another's. there may be similarities (in subject and location), but the way you tell it - the way you express yourself through lines and words - is unique to you. your own perspective, and your own way of showing who you are.

i should really listen to myself more often.

---

but that's when you're writing for yourself.

i'm scared about writing for something else. will i be able to pitch good story ideas? will i be able to pull a story off without sounding like a self-absorbed b*tch?

i guess i'll never really know unless i try (again).

wish me luck (and discipline)!

Thursday, November 26, 2015

what ifs

this afternoon, in anticipation of amazon's "the man in the high castle", i downloaded the e-book version of the philip k. dick novel the tv series is based on. i wasn't much of a pkd fan growing up (i think i tried reading one of his books once but stopped after the first few pages - now i think i might have been too young to appreciate it), so i had no idea about it, until i worked on an article about the tv adaptation this morning.

i haven't started reading the book, but from what i've absorbed online, the alternate history presented in the novel goes a bit like this: ww2 lasted until 1947, and germany and japan won the war. it's a great what if, and i find myself interested to know the answer.

it led me to think about imagine more what-if scenarios, nothing that historic though, just everyday stuff, the kinds of stuff i've thought about ever since i was a kid daydreaming the day away. it's how i entertain myself and keep myself amused, i guess.

here's one.

i ordered a burger two burgers from the nearby burger shop before it closed. as i waited outside for my burgers to cook, i saw a neighbor's cherry-red chevrolet impala heading up the street, homeward. that car's pretty famous around these parts, very recognizable.

so. what if.

what if i asked the owner/driver if i could take a photo of the car, and he would say of course, and i would introduce myself as a neighbor. and because i was genuinely interested in the car, he would invite me to have a look inside.

(a friend and i have already poked our noses inside once when the car was parked out on the street and we were passing by and the windows were down and no one was around.)

then he would do more - he would get out from the driver's side and invite me to get behind the wheel to drive the car the rest of the way home. and then i would say i haven't driven a car in ten years, to which he would say it's only for a few meters. and then i would agree, and somehow not crash the car. and then i would be able to say i drove an impala.

in that what-if scenario, the owner's name is fred and he is in his mid-40s.

seems far-fetched, yes, i don't think anyone would trust me and be all nice just like that, just like that. this what-if tale makes me sound like a naive chit, but then again, i'm sure there are nice folks like the guy in the scenario. you read about them all the time - about the niceness of strangers and such. could be dangerous to think of as true all the time irl, but  sometimes you get the feeling that something or someone is good, or at least won't do you harm. it's sad when the world thinks the default is that people are inherently evil and being good comes as a surprise. anyway, i digress -

but i guess that's how my brain works sometimes.

i think about these what ifs during quiet moments, and it's good creative exercise for the brain that uses the logical side most of the time. thinking of these what ifs may give some people either hope or a reason to be depressed, but most of the time i just have a fuzzy feeling about it being a story.

it may be why i'm drawn to fiction, why i can relate with amelie and her unfounded fears about the reason why nino hadn't shown up yet, why i think there's more to a story than what's written on a page or acted out in a scene. it may be why i like to be quiet and simply watch people sometimes. i don't think i fantasize too much - i'm still pretty sane (haha yeah) and know when the stuff in my mind really happened and when they're just the products of a very active (and creative, if i may say so) imagination.

what if i hadn't gone out this afternoon? i wouldn't have seen the impala, i wouldn't have come up with that scenario. i would probably have thought of something else.

i missed this kind of writing, the not-thinking-too-much kind. should do this more often to loosen up before/during/after copy editing. doesn't make much sense as i should be strict with following rules, but if it works for me, it works for me.

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

something short

hmm. i did say i would try to write again. if i could post mundane stuff to my social network accounts, why not here?
or, if i could refrain from posting mundane stuff, why not post something with more value here?
has everything become too blah to post about? certainly not.
are there things i would rather keep to myself? yes.
i don't even keep a physical journal anymore.
funny, because i've been telling other people to write.
to say i am frustrated (or annoyed?) with myself is an understatement.
--
met new friends, hung out with old ones, had my family over
complained about slow internet
--
the good news, my sis brought me three of my film cameras
the bad news, i have no idea where to have films developed here
--
where to travel to next year? 

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

bffs in heaven


my heart breaks over losing two of our beloved dogs a week apart. i had to stop working for a really good cry.

will always love and miss you both, Holly and Frankie. have fun playing in the clouds and eating everything you desire. maybe someday we'll all play together again.