Wednesday, September 28, 2011

we're lucky

this is the 'worst', immediate vicinity-wise.

i'm sure others had it worse.  i feel sorry for them, and i hope they get back, or rebuild, what they have lost.

can i tell you something?  i feel bad about the uprooted trees, the fallen branches, the wasted fruits, the damaged crops.  the animals without shelter, the shivering birds, the dripping dogs, the broken cats.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

so much kilig.

 [image from azrael's merryland]

thursday thoughts

a whole mug of coffee.

why i'll regret this:
  1. it's a whole mug
  2. i made it myself
and because i made it myself, it has:

one teaspoonful of nescafe first pick coffee (bought last year, it will expire this october)
two teaspoonfuls of creamer
three teaspoonfuls of white sugar


and because i made it myself,

it doesn't really taste awesome  :(

in other news:

it's really difficult not to be tempted by all (old and wonderful) film cameras being sold.  i've been yearning (that's heavy stuff) for a fully manual slr to re-learn photography with, something lighter than my canon ftql.  i'm looking at different olympus, pentax, minolta, and nikon models with good lenses, and i've seen some around online stores.  when i see a good one that's been "sitting in the closet since the nineties", i go aww and imagine myself shooting with it.  "poor camera, let me take care of you."

points to ponder:
  • no matter how badass your camera is, it doesn't make your photography better.  [it's the statement of the bitter, which i sometimes am, whenever i see people toting their dslrs and shooting "creative bokeh".]
  • you don't need an expensive camera to make good photos.  [another statement, for the bitter, poor, but talented photographer, which i would like to think i am, braving criticisms of how highly i think of myself.]

hohoho.  but i really should choose to be happy, and thankful, for what i have.  it's not the camera, it's the person behind it, anyway.

okay, having a 'good' camera helps.  'good' is relative. = aside from the specs (insert technical stuff here), i think a 'good' camera for me must have: good grip (fits well in my hand), good weight (there are days i do want to bring along a "heavy" camera), and yes, good looks (i melt at classic lines).

a camera that bonds well with you = a fulfilling relationship.  ;)

i love this camera.  i'm excited to take it out again soon!  :)

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

not good.

i couldn't get myself to work on a documentary script for work, so i took a breather and searched for some stuff that could help me have an idea on what to (finally) work on for my thesis.

i've been feeling really down since yesterday.  maybe it's my monthlies, maybe it's simple disappointment in things.  whatever it is, it's draining me. 

i thought a walk outside would do me good.  i felt i had to buy something to somehow make myself feel better. a notebook, i thought, just a small one, where i could write and doodle thesis-related stuff.  i thought i'd also take the opportunity to withdraw some cash from the bank near the school supplies store.  i only had fifty bucks left in my purse.

because i wanted to have as much shade from the afternoon sun as possible, i walked along a.h. lacson street, where the university walls and buildings provided some shade.

i could see a cat lying down in the middle of the sidewalk.  it was unusual, unless it was dead. 

it was.

as i got nearer, i could see it was a healthy cat.  it was probably run over by a tricycle, or a motorcycle.  yes, those things take over pedestrian walkways just because they can, the fuckers.

sometimes i wish i had a steel pipe i can toss at the wheels with whenever a rider comes honking at people on the sidewalk.  a rider being tossed out of his motorcycle onto the gutter should teach a lesson: this is for pedestrians, you assholes. get off the goddamn sidewalk.

there was a street sweeper nearby.  i told her about the dead cat.  she looked in the direction i pointed to then resumed sweeping.

i wondered if the cat belonged to the old lady who sells candy and cigarettes at the corner.  she has a lot of cats.  but when they leave for the night, the cats disappear too.  perhaps they go home with her.

i had been reading on cruelty and animal welfare, pet companionship, and anthrozoology.  yes, that is the new direction of my thesis life. i've been thinking of doing case studies of pets of the homeless, and those with disabilities, in the city.  i am still not sure about this.

where do street sweepers put dead cats and dogs left on the street?

i had once been told one of my cats didn't come home.  it wasn't until a couple of years later that i learned she had actually been run over.  they just didn't want me to get upset.

once, my ex run over one of my kittens, even when i had told him there were cats under the car.  he didn't even say he was sorry.  we had been fighting, about something i don't remember now.  i should have broken up with him right then and there, but i guess i was stupid enough then to stay for a year more.

i wrapped the kitten up in my softest shirt and left the bundle on a table by the laundry to be buried in the morning.  i left a note on the fridge.  in the morning my mom gave me the surviving sibling to hug.

the bank's atm was offline.  the universe sure has a way of telling me things.  but i had fifty bucks, so i still went in the store.

i spent twenty minutes picking a notebook.  i finally settled for a thin, light green one, with little purple hearts and flowers.  it had a sewn spine and a face of a cat on the cover, with the words "Bonds love".  i was left with eighteen pesos.

i avoided walking along the same street on my way back to the office.  i didn't want to encounter the dead cat again, if ever the street sweep hasn't gotten around to taking her somewhere else.

when a a loved one has died, we say "she's in a better place now" more for our sake, to somehow lessen our grief.  so for my sake, the cat is in a better place now.

i wish i could say the same for myself, and find myself in a better place.  walking won't really get me there, but i guess i can try.

A cat's rage is beautiful, burning with pure cat flame, all its hair standing up and crackling blue sparks, eyes blazing and sputtering.
 William S. Burroughs

i feel like beating someone up.  i actually have a person in mind.  i've never met her, but if i do, i bloody will throw her down to the ground and grind her ovaries down with my pretty foot.

kidding.  those kinds of creatures don't even deserve any kind of attention anymore.

but it's fun just thinking and writing about it.  i feel a bit better now.  writing is therapy?

Saturday, September 10, 2011

a bum's life

by june next year, i will have left my job to concentrate on being a graduate student--attending penalty classes and doing my long-overdue thesis.

i am so excited!

well, except for the fact that i will have no income, i am looking forward to doing a lot of things i haven't been able to do ever since getting a regular job.

aside from the student-on-thesis-mode life, here are the things on my to-do list (which really won't make me so much of a bum):

  1. take a refresher course on driving
  2. learn to cook--a new dish a week!
  3. run, jog, ride my bike, walk around in the mornings (or afternoons)
  4. spend time with my pets
  5. do some street photography
  6. go on a sketchcrawl
  7. practice my coloring (colored pens, watercolor, gouache)
  8. craft some stuff
  9. explore new places
  10. write, write, write
  11. read, read, read
  12. scan old photographs
  13. freelance (i've been a production coordinator, magazine writer, house builder, wall painter, and pet sitter among other things, so i guess i can do whatever i set my mind to)
  14. volunteer for a cause 
  15. catch up on bones (season 4 was the last one i watched!)

aaaand that's all i can think of right now.  i'm really excited for this "new venture" and even if i won't have a regular 8-5 job (and the cash that comes with it), i feel like there's so much i'll be able to accomplish.  :) [crossing fingers]

here's to the good bum's life!
(photo taken by a colleague using my Canonet QL17 GIII)

Friday, September 2, 2011

live performance: they're doing it right.

 Counting Crows - Round Here / Raining in Baltimore from "August And Everything After -- Live At Town Hall" [2011]

i would probably do a lengthier post but i am currently still in that shattered state every time i listen to (or watch, in this case) a live performance of the counting crows.  this is just so, so beautiful.

another favorite of mine is their performance of Round Here on the Howard Stern Show (audio only, the song itself starts at 1:20):

adam in a bunny outfit is <3

what is wazak.