Tuesday, October 28, 2008

so much to say, but first of all


flash drives
folder of contacts
things i've said

These are just some of the things I've forgotten the past week. Scary. My short-term memory's starting to betray me. Don't tell me why.

So, what happened in Pampanga?
I'll tell you a bit about it then I'll digress.

It was the second time I've attended the UGAT Conference (the first time was in Miag-ao, Iloilo), and I was a bit disappointed at the turnout of participants--less this year. Ate Jo, a former classmate, said that it might be because the venue was near and therefore not 'exciting' enough--after all, it was only about an hour and a half trip from Manila. But of course I was okay with it; not only did I get to see my old classmates but also I got to spend time with two of my closest college friends Rejie and Prim.

Aida, Lorna, Fe

I've been there before, that heritage district in San Fernando--office work, we went to the National Commission on Indigenous Peoples Office. Also, over at Angeles, we got to visit the Henson ancestral house. Old structures never fail to amaze me. When I'm in a museum house I feel tingly.

The more I see old structures and learn local history, the more I want to go to my mom's province, Bulacan, to take in the stories of the place, of my family. I always find it interesting that my parents first met at a common relative's wake, and unfortunately I always forget (again, the forgetting) how the branches of the family connect and intertwine. One of our lolos took it upon himself to be the family historian, tracing the genealogies and positing that the Villarama clan came from a village in Mexico.

I always question this because, diligent as he is, Lolo Erning overlooked an event in Philippine history that might have had a hand in all this: the Claveria decree that gave Spanish surnames to the 'native' Filipinos.

The genealogical chart Lolo Erns made was given to me, because I think no one else in my family took much interest in that sheaf of typewritten paper.

Last year I started an online family tree. I could only supply information about my generation, leaving the 'roots' to my mom. A small step. Then, during our family reunion last December, we had an activity wherein all the families were made to make their own family trees using cartolina, crayons, and felt-tip pens. The trees were then presented, and then compiled by our family. The trees now serve as a memory device, and would surely come in handy during the holidays.

One of the things I asked my mom before was whether she new of any relative who might have been a Katipunero--after all, their family has roots in Angat, Sta. Maria, Marungko, and Malolos in Bulacan. I was hoping there was.

Something 'newer' though: Lolo Erning's chart showed that there was a Philippine Constabulary soldier member of the family who died in Corregidor. That's as far as he knows. I want to dig deeper, say, 1800s--but unfortunately I don't think there's anyone living who can supply the data. No one in the family's fond of keeping written records too. How about old newspapers in the library, birth registries in old parishes? Worth a try, though I hope they weren't discarded or burned. Always in history there's a fire.

Sometime, perhaps, when I have the resources (and time), I'll go dig, do some research. Anyone in the family willing to fund? Stateside people? :)

[I see the Villarama 'pingkit' eyes in my cousins, sometimes I think I exhibit it too. Often people would ask if I had Chinese blood. It's just the eyes I think.]


Too bad that my mom's old house in Angat had been torn down--I loved that house, the capiz windows, the bamboo slats, the old cabinets. I never much cared about it when I was young and we went there during fiestas and other family gatherings; it was only recently that I began to miss it, much more when I sat in the conference listening to discussions on heritage and going around an old town. Nostalgic.

Swimming in the Angat River. Fear of a great flood, building a raft that would take the family to Manila. A lola eloped with her beau. Mom walked to school and went home for lunch. Her mom was a teacher at the school, which ran up only to third grade. She finished the rest of grade school in Espiritu Santo in Manila, then went on to high school in UST. When the high school building burned down they had classes at the seminary.

Old pictures. My youngest sister looks like my pre-teen mom, with long wavy hair and bright big eyes. And I look like

a little frog princess in a bikini.

Rejie's folks do not sleep before 2 a.m. They made me eat chocolate cake at 12:30 a.m. Midnight chitchat+snack. It's a house that never seems to sleep. They have roomfuls of books. I could get lost among the piles. Tito Pete has a lot of photography books. They drove me to the conference venue every morning. I am writing a lot of simple sentences.

Look what I found! Wanna know what I did with this photo? Ask my mom!


This tape I'm making for Laura.... has music she likes. Things that make her happy. And for the first time, I think I'm starting to see how that's done. - Rob in 'High Fidelity'

I have recently acquired 'new' songs that a friend generously gave a couple of weeks ago. I thought the Pampanga trip would be a great time to fully 'immerse' myself in the new music, so as I was packing I was also 'screening' the songs, picking out the albums that could keep me company during the ride.

Listening to the cd was like meeting a stranger. First, curiosity. Then, questions, who are you, what are you doing here, stuff about likes, dislikes, life in general. The more you find out about the person the more you see similarities (and differences) between you. Like, how he/she also has the habit of getting the window seat in the bus, eating the edges of a sandwich first, or looking up at the sky at six in the evening. You take note of information, of stories, that make the person less of a stranger.

What do you do with the differences? You compromise, if you have to. I think it is somehow like heritage, or religion. You don't discard the existing for the new, but you adapt the new to suit your current interest or need.

Am I making sense?

Oh yes, the cd. When I finally got my 'chosen ones'--those that easily appealed to me--I realized that they were very similar to what I was already listening to. Some weeks ago I had a eureka moment in the musical sense--I 'found' my genre. When I told friends about this they said, "because it's the music you grew up with. You always come back to that." I guess so.

Imagine picking albums from a 4-gig cd to fit in a 2-gig player. So who made it to the list? Well, my Counting Crows was still there, sixties pop, motown, and folk rock, Elliott Smith, some Beatles of course, Weezer, some pop-rock-reggae-standards miscellany, and from the cd, my top four picks: Belle & Sebastian, The Lucksmiths, Of Montreal, and The Housemartins.

There you go. How's that sound?

Sunday, October 26, 2008

manyaman queni

Gusto ko lang sabihin na nakabalik na ako mula San Fernando, Pampanga.

Bukas na ang mahabang istorya.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Basta wag niyong ipakain sa mga pusa ang mga daga ko

Dapat ibinilin ko 'to bago ako umalis ng bahay kanina.

Nag-iwan ako ng dalawang notes sa bahay tungkol sa pagpapakain ng mga alaga kong daga at isda: kung ano'ng oras sila papakainin at kung ano ang pwedeng ipakain (sa mga daga). Matagal-tagal din akong mawawala, kung pwede lang isama si Gypsy, ibinulsa ko na siya.

Wala lang.

Mga natutunan ko ngayong linggo (huling post ko ito bago umalis pa-Pampanga):

-Ayon kay Rey "Sexytime" Domingo, 'guitarer' ng Brokensauce (aka Wasaknapatis/Sirangleekumkee), masarap ang Coke na may beer.
-Nagbibigay pala ng discount cards ang Gloria Jean's.
-Masarap pa ring magbabad sa Quiapo.
-Kung mamalasin ka, mamalasin ka talaga.
-Mas malaki ang fish fillet dun sa poster ng Chowking kesa sa actual.
-Masaya at mabilis maglakad pauwi habang nakikinig sa "Dancing On The Street."
-Di pa rin kami nakakabili ng iced tea sa bahay.
-Matagal na akong hindi nakakakain ng shawarma.
-Posible palang ngitian ang isang tao kahit hindi mo siya kaharap.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

finally finished

Submitted my Boxed exhibit entry yesterday at Sigwada Gallery.

Mukhang pasado naman. :)

Pinahirapan ako ng mga photos na 'yan ha, nakatatlong lipat ako ng photo shops sa Hidalgo hanggang sa maitama 'yung pagpapaprint. Pati 'yung framing, sumablay nung una, inulit pa 'yung matting.

'Yun. Tapos na ako!

Sa November 10 daw ang opening, sa Cubicle Gallery sa Pasig. Antabayanan ang invite. :)

Bago pala 'yun, isa pang 'big event'--ang 18th boitday celeb ni Tissa sa October 31. Magpapa-games ako. Bwahaha.

Eto pala, for fun. Galing kay Jonar.

HOLLAND: Hope Our Love Lasts And Never Dies
ITALY: I Trust And Love You
MONACO: May Our Noble Affair Continue Onwards
IRELAND: I'll Remain Enamoured, Loving, And Needing you, Darling
PARANAQUE: Please Always Remain Adorable, Nice, And Quiet Under Ecstasy
WAIKIKI: Welcome Aking Irog, Kita'y Inintay nang Kaytagal. Imissyou.
INDIA: Inside, Now, Dahil Imbiyerna Ako!
IMUS: I Miss U, Sweetheart
BALIWAG: Beauty And Love, I Will Always Give
QUIAPO: Quiet U, I Am Pissed Off!
DUBAI: Don't U Believe Ako'y Iyo?
IRAN: Ikaw Rin Ang Nawalan
PIER: Please Ignore Everything, Right?
TIANGGE: Tama, Ikaw Ang Naging GungGong Ever

Ikaw, ano'ng lugar ang isisigaw mo? :)

Monday, October 20, 2008

I'm A Little Teapot

My brilliant mind came up with another stroke of genius this morning while I was waiting for a ride to work:

"I'm A Little Teapot" is one of the most sexually-connotative kiddie ditties there is. Let's put the lyrics down.

I'm a little teapot, short and stout. Here is my handle and here is my spout. When the water's boiling hear me shout. Lift me up and pour me out.

I'm thinking of an 'organic' object here, and it's not something you can put tea in. Green-minded people will have no difficulty guessing.

Sorry, sorry.

Normally I'd have a song running in my head; my playlist would include anything from musicals, to rock, OPM, and the occasional ballad or LSS from the previous jeepney/bus/fx ride. Perhaps some of Saturday's conversation stuck to me, when we (Susa, Martin, Abbey, & Obie) were waiting for Pinikpikan's last gig to start. There was a story about nuns and difficult-to-harvest mushrooms. Then I also ordered garlic mushrooms.

Perhaps, too, I'm like this because I had been working on my entry for the Boxed exhibit this November. The theme is 'erotica', and friends and I have been talking about it all week! So there you go. [This morning I had the photos printed and framed (hello again Quiapo), and I'll be able to drop them off at Sigwada Gallery later. (Crossing fingers, hoping to pull it off.)]

Short and stout stuff aside, an announcement:

On Wednesday afternoon I'll be heading off to San Fernando, Pampanga for the annual UGAT (Anthropological Association of the Philippines) Conference, this year on "Performing Heritage." I'm hoping to pick up some ideas for my (finally) thesis topic. Possibly no intarnets then, but I'll still try to write, and post later, perhaps on Sunday when I get back. I'm on a roll.


Sunday, October 19, 2008

i wish my cats were this cuddly

they're actually on their way to a big fight, which would leave them scraggly and uncute. meoooow.

oh, and i've just finished doing some photomanipulations for my Boxed entry. yeah yeah, me doing photomanips. well, i don't manipulate my film shots, just the digital ones, and i did say in my multiply blog that this is just my Plan B. anyway, patikim ito:

not exactly this but something like this. that's the 'feel' of it.

i'd like to think i did okay in the photos i've chosen for the exhibit. well, i like. you be the judge when the exhibit opens in november. i'm not about to post the photos anywhere yet. :)

Friday, October 17, 2008

managinip ka man nang gising, duling ka pa rin

sige na, sablay na ang pamagat. wala po akong intensyong makasakit ng mga may karamdaman. ito ay isang pagkukutya sa sarili.

*ang kwentong ito ay kasaysayang-utak, at walang kinalaman ang nagmamay-ari ng utak sa mga pangyayaring nakapaloob dito. kung ika'y natatakot malaman, mangyari lamang po na huwag nang basahin. para na rin sa ikagagaan ng loob ng may katha. maraming salamat.



Napanaginipan ko nanaman siya kagabi. Hindi ko alam kung bakit tuwing napapanaginipan ko siya ay hinahalikan ko siya. Pangalawang beses pa lang naman--ito lang 'yung naaalala ko. Mayroon daw tayong mga panaginip na hindi na natin natatandaan. Inisip ko bang panaginip iyon habang ako'y nananaginip? Hindi. Pero kagabi (o ngayong umaga), na-kontrol ko kung gaano katagal pa kami magkasama.

Isang mahabang pagpapaalam: mga kalsadang tinatawid, hanggang sa ako'y ihatid sa isang tila terminal o sakayan ng tren. Pailalim. Paalam, at dadaan sa pintuan, o bababa sa hagdanan. Tapos nandun siya ulit. Paalam ulit, hanggang sa hindi ko na alam kung ano pa ang ginagawa niya, at ginagawa ko, roon. Doon ko nga ba nahawakan ang kanyang kamay?

Ay, hindi. Bago pa dun. At noong kinuha ko ang kanyang kamay tinignan ko siya, hinahamong bawiin niya ang kamay na hawak ko.

Sa istasyon na tren umupo kami sa sahig (sa istasyon nga ba? o sa ibang lugar? --ay ewan, mahalaga pa ba ito? Basta't umupo kami at puti ang sahig.). Halos magkatapat. Malapit sa aking kamay ang kanyang kamay. Nagtagpo.

Kailan nangyari ang halik sa panaginip na ito? Hindi ko na matandaan. Upang magtagal pa ay hindi ako (kami) tumigil, at dahil ako ang may-ari ng panaginip, ginawa ko ang nais kong gawin. Siguro iniisip ko rin na mawawala nanaman siya. Na hindi ito totoo, at magigising din ako.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

may dahilan kung bakit ko siya napanaginipan (ulit) kagabi. hindi ako makatulog. gustong matulog ng katawan ko ngunit ayaw magpatalo ng pag-iisip. siguro sa gitna ng pagtatalo ng isip at katawan ay naisip ko siya. siguro hindi sapat para kay isip ang ginawa nila mata. siguro bitin si isip sa nangyari kay kamay. siguro naawa si isip kay katawan at naisipang hayaan na ring makatulog. siguro natuwa rin kahit papaano si isip kaya nagluto ng masarap na panaginip.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

may dalawang naglalabang kaisipan:

  1. Panaginip lamang ito, kathang-isip, natural na proseso ng utak sa pagtulog, at hindi dapat bigyan ng kahulugan.
  2. Panaginip ito, ang paraan ng utak para ma-proseso ang mga pangyayari sa buhay, at pinaniniwalaang makapagbibigay ng 'solusyon' o kasagutan sa mga dinaramdam na mga problema o sitwasyong kinasasangkutan (sa tulong ng mga eksperto sa sikoanalisis).
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

huwag na natin masyadong isipin kung alin ang ating paniniwalaan; wala rin namang patutunguhan.


At para sa iba pang nagbabagang balita,

Rej, veklang muret ka, matapos ang halos sampung buwan ay makikita na ulit kita sa susunod na linggo. Ihanda mo na ang mga pusa at magtimpla na ng mainit na tsokolate. Mahabang kwentuhan 'to. [Pakamusta kay Fafa Fitz! Salamat in advance sa board & lodging!]

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

limang taon

Nasaan nga ba ako noong huling limang taon?
2003: USTMC Batch 2003 1st climb sa Tarak Ridge (dito nagsimula ang lahat, as usual nakasimangot si 'kuya von').
2004: PedXing exhibit noong 2004, nasa likod ko 'yung painting ni Jepoy Almario, na based dun sa isang short story ko.

2005: Sa Miag-ao, Iloilo, kasama si Charly (dakilang Ilonggo ka talaga!) sa isang resort sa tabi mismo ng UP Visayas campus, ilang oras bago magsimula ang UGAT session.

2006: Simula ng trabaho sa uste bilang community organizer, umaakyat ng bundok para sa pagsasakapangyarihan ng mga katutubong aeta. Kasama ko sa pic sina "mothership" Ate Abby at "Portrait of My Love" Sir Joey, ang aming bossing. Ayus.


2007: At nakapasyal ulit sina Susa, Dash (with bf Brian), at Orya sa Enchanted Kingdom makalipas ang maraming taon (since high school ata mga tsong).

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

FORLORN at Sigwada Gallery

FORLORN formally opens the newest art space in the heart of Manila, featuring the works of:
Lawrence Borsoto
Mark Magistrado
Oliver Ramos
Ivan Roxas
CJ Tanedo

October 11, 2008. 6PM
Sigwada Gallery, #1921 Oroquieta Street, Manila
Exhibit runs until October 31.

Monday, October 6, 2008


There is a weekend chore I enjoy doing, one I don't mind spending so much of my time on. I don't even think of it as a chore; it is like a visit to the zoo. Everyday I see my pets (and sometimes when I see them I feel like I'd rather not leave for work but instead cuddle up all day with them and watch movies) but it is during the weekends when I can spend time with them without thinking of traffic and deadlines.

Some of my friends think it's cute and cool that I have a lot of animals in the house; some are disgusted by the very thought that I have rats. Haha. But I wouldn't be me without animals, now would I? So bear with me. At least you know what I do on Sundays when I'm not out doing fieldwork. :-)

This weekend Fuzzy got a warm bath (he was all greasy and couldn't clean himself well; his fur was in clumps), the little big dogs went to the vet for their shots, and the rats got a condo. The friendly neighborhood pet shop ran out of 'houses' (in an earlier blog post I said I'd be buying another--one for each rat--but I didn't get to.). They did have these shoebox-sized enclosures for birds, so I got one of those instead. Pretty big, but it will do. More cuddling space during rains! :)

Gypsy's starting to lose some of her color--her brown stripe's getting gray highlights, turning pepper. I know it was going to happen eventually; I didn't know it would be this soon. Oh well. She's still as lovable as can be. Dublin on the other hand is still her snobbish self and will always try to bite when she feels invaded. So I let her be, and coax her to eat with a spoon.

Prettycat (yes, that's her name) sleeping in a CD holder

Gypsy looking out the window-doorway beside Rizal.

Dublin's 'lofty' house & Gypsy's condo.

Gypsy's best Rizal pose.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Shuffle it

Got this from a DeviantArt member who included one of my works in a collection.

Wala lang akong magawa. Or, procrastinating again.

1. Put Your iTunes, windows media player etc on Shuffle
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
4. Put any comments in brackets after the song name.

Okay, here goes.

How would you describe yourself?
Dearest - Buddy Holly [mataas ang tingin sa sarili]

What do you like in a guy/girl?
Mr. Writer - Stereophonics [ano daw?]

How do you feel today?

Everything's Alright - from Jesus Christ Superstar [yehey. i hope so]

What is your life's purpose?
Needs - Collective Soul [hmm...]

What is your motto? [devise]
Waiting in Vain - Annie Lennox [lagi na lang?]

What do your friends think of you?
Puppet on a String - Sandie Shaw [hahaha]

What do you think of your parents?
I Started Something I Couldn't Finish - The Smiths [aba ewan]

What do you think about very often?
Good Day Sunshine - The Beatles [think positive?]

What is 2 + 2?
Ghost - David Gibbs - Counting Crows [yeh men]

What do you think of your best friend?
Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen [hahaha]

What do you think of the person you like?
Variations14 - Julian Webber [happy happy]

What is your life story?
Sheila Take A Bow - The Smiths [ewan]

What do you want to be when you grow up?
California Dreamin' - Mamas & The Papas [astig]

What do you think of when you see the person you like?
Vampire - Antsy Pants [uhm...gusto kong sumipsip? ganun ba?]

What will you dance to at your wedding?
Real Real Gone - Bob Dylan & Van Morrison [ayuz]

What will they play at your funeral?
Can't Take My Eyes Off You - Andy Williams [scary]

What is your hobby/interest?
Bari Improv - Kaki King [teeheehee]

What is your biggest fear?
Some Girls Are Bigger Than Others - The Smiths [:)]

What is your biggest secret?
Beautiful - Carole King [secret?]

What do you think of your friends?
Real Love - John Lennon [apir]

What will you post this as?
While My Guitar Gently Weeps - Martin Luther McCoy [peace]

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

bye bye baby

...saying goodbye to my Holga 135.

I don't get to use it. And I'm also using SLRs. It was really a Holga135BC I wanted, but, well, ayun. Takes great photos though. It's currently with Jonar now; I'll get it from him when we next see each other. Maybe next week. I haven't announced the sale yet (price, details, freebies). Sayang, di ko lang talaga kasi nagagamit.

Hmm. This also gives me time to really think if I'm letting it go.

(The LC-A is still on my Christmas wishlist by the way.)

The photos below were all taken using the Holga 135.

Harbor Square

Bulong at a Malate rooftop (Tutok event)
- the boxhead at lower left is Bven Calubayan

at Harbor Square still
(resto staff yosi break)

Lake Caliraya

Ayuyang Bar, Baguio City