whattaweek

seriously can't work in the office. morning i try to do some editing. then a highly respected older person whips up a conversation and of course i have to take part in the interaction. so work, zilch. then the phones ring. again and again. i'm beginning to think having a solid workplace isn't good for me. that maybe i should have taken a work-from-home stint instead. actually, i don't really have to stay at the office. there are other options. but then, students come to look for me to consult about a project. so i still have to be at the office. so i'm stuck and i hate it.

by next month we are scheduled to move to another office on the same floor of the building. already we are not liking it: no shelves, chairs too big, looks more cramped, no divisions, no private conference room, and that sofa set they paid several thousand bucks for the effing prussian blue shade is just too bright for the eyes. the hell. there's really something wrong with the way this institution does things.

wednesday we had a meeting about the month's activities. and next month's. good luck i say, with the puny workforce. wonder when the university finally admits it needs more community development staff. for good.

thursday, i enrolled for my (hopefully) last semester before doing my thesis. eh. it was okay, a breeze compared to what others experienced ever since UP modified the enrolment scheme. got tuesday and saturday class. afternoons. which means i'll be missing half of the lomo bazaar next saturday, which means no slide film for me. oh well.

friday, the mother of all traffic jams. spent almost an hour along espana. was it because: 1) it was a friday--quiapo day; 2) it rained that afternoon; or 3) everybody just decided to go out to the streets at the same time? all of the above? hell. i was stuck in a jeep that blared damnable remixes that can be heard all the way to montalban.

saturday, the lomolove too exhibit opening. my mom wanted to see. before heading to blacksoup she got enticed by the ukay-ukay shop in cubao x, so she proceeded to purchase some items, all in all totaling 400bucks (at 20bucks each). yay. my dad was there too. at blacksoup mom asked why my photo had a dark circle around it. i said that was the effect of the camera. she was disappointed that my photos were hung at the topmost-leftmost corner of the wall. i didn't really mind. makes them easier to find.

exhibit launch was a blast. didn't stay long with the lomo peeps because i had von to mind. he was in a better mood. more patient and enjoying a seat in front of the chinese store, eating his stash of dikiam. he's not into bands. i went back and forth, looking for my film suppliers, making casual conversations and shouting hello's amidst the noise. saw joko and macy again. glenn dropped by. i had to leave early to pick up my sisters. von still had some dikiam left, his take-home treat. i gave him a teammanila lomomanila shirt i was going to keep for myself, but realized it was too large. he said it was too easy to do we should make the shirts ourselves.

last night i had a very disturbing dream. my fears the past week have been haunting me. very upsetting. i hate it when this happens. but i have to try to trust him this time. i just get suspicious when he gets unusually thoughtful. like it's a cover-up for something you-know-what. oh yeah. didn't realize i could be so upset in a dream. sad, sad, sad.

sunday. yeah. stuff i have to do for tomorrow: 1) write the two articles for the university journal and 2) finish editing one of the office journals. it's so darn difficult to edit someone's work if the author has no writing background whatsoever, and thinks little about grammar and style. i. hate. it. and it's not really part of my friggin' job to write, edit, and do layout at the same time. it's just that it's a big office project. really big, two journals to be launched in january. even with my 'publications assignment', i am not exempted to do my fieldwork. haha. now that is my primary job. but then again, no one else in the office would and could do the journal edit-layout thing (in my opinion), so it's my fault for just being okay at this. siyet, ang yabang ko.

i know that someday i will quit my job, or ask not to be renewed. i just know it. i'm not entirely happy with where i am. maybe because of all the pressure on the journals, the disappointment with certain people, the stupid policies, the distance, the difficulty in getting a ride to and from the university i'm so tired of already, the way the admin regards staff like us, the pay, everything else. it's just that it's difficult to leave a job like this, the way you get to know people and they count on you. i feel like if i leave, the program stalls or stops. but then again, that's the way life goes. in the end my happiness comes first, because if i don't feel good about myself, i won't feel good about anything else that i do.