thursday #4.b. travel picks.
collage: bus tickets, plane ticket, magazine, children’s book, receipts.
hmm. i really enjoyed doing this one. :)
Thursday, January 28, 2010
thursday project #4.
thursday #4.b. travel picks.
Monday, January 18, 2010
catharsis
as mentioned in a previous post, the past few weeks had been a bit chaotic for me personally, making me lose my inner balance and taking me out and away from my comfort zone. my (inner, at-peace) self screamed out "intruders!!!" and i remembered one meditation lesson: when asked, you don't have to say "i'm okay" when you're really not. i had been saying "i'm okay" but i was really distracted and out of focus, and to be able to 'fix' that, i should first accept that something has bothered me before i re-align myself and recover. some pig out and guzzle up; some have talkathons with a friend while shopping; some go to prayer meetings and retreats; some go to the gym. i go and have my quiet meditation time.
last night, i pondered over why some things made me unhappy, why i felt like there was something 'not right', why i easily got disappointed. the quiet time did me good, and i got my answer: i had been making decisions--little ones and big ones--for all the wrong reasons, and sometimes without giving them much thought at all. for example, i expressed a lot of anger--it could have been avoided had i not decided to think as an angry person. i knew i was angry--and i even made it an excuse for all the hurtful stuff i said, which was wrong. and another: i became envious of what other people have (and will be given) and what i deserved but didn't have (or wasn't given), and that rotten feeling ate me up, leaving me unhappy and dissatisfied with the good things that i do have. plus, i always found something wrong with other people, and i became judgmental (and at some point, antisocial). during the emotional chaos i lost my zen-happy/glad to be alive/live and let live/'shrug it off' outlook somehow.
i know, i know: it's an old lesson that you always read about, get told about, and most probably already know by heart. but as i'm sure you also know, lessons are always best learned through experience. i guess for a while there i forgot to be thankful that i'm actually a very lucky person to have a roof over my head, a stable job, a family, a healthy body, hobbies that keep me busy, a small group of good friends, a menagerie of pets, and someone who knows me so well he keeps me in a hug even when i try to push him away.
---
so there. i'm getting back on track, and i'm learning to laugh at life again. plus i'm really not the depressive type, and i'm actually getting sick of myself being all emo. so enough of the introspective, melodramatic stuff. di ako sanay! :)
last night, i pondered over why some things made me unhappy, why i felt like there was something 'not right', why i easily got disappointed. the quiet time did me good, and i got my answer: i had been making decisions--little ones and big ones--for all the wrong reasons, and sometimes without giving them much thought at all. for example, i expressed a lot of anger--it could have been avoided had i not decided to think as an angry person. i knew i was angry--and i even made it an excuse for all the hurtful stuff i said, which was wrong. and another: i became envious of what other people have (and will be given) and what i deserved but didn't have (or wasn't given), and that rotten feeling ate me up, leaving me unhappy and dissatisfied with the good things that i do have. plus, i always found something wrong with other people, and i became judgmental (and at some point, antisocial). during the emotional chaos i lost my zen-happy/glad to be alive/live and let live/'shrug it off' outlook somehow.
i know, i know: it's an old lesson that you always read about, get told about, and most probably already know by heart. but as i'm sure you also know, lessons are always best learned through experience. i guess for a while there i forgot to be thankful that i'm actually a very lucky person to have a roof over my head, a stable job, a family, a healthy body, hobbies that keep me busy, a small group of good friends, a menagerie of pets, and someone who knows me so well he keeps me in a hug even when i try to push him away.
---
so there. i'm getting back on track, and i'm learning to laugh at life again. plus i'm really not the depressive type, and i'm actually getting sick of myself being all emo. so enough of the introspective, melodramatic stuff. di ako sanay! :)
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Monday, January 11, 2010
fab booksale find
sometimes i get lucky.
mickey hart is the drummer of the grateful dead. he's also an ethnomusicologist. i like how the book includes the importance of anthropology and the works of early anthropologists (such as badass frank boas, in the photo above) in the documentation of world music. :)
Thursday, January 7, 2010
the thursday projects
thursday projects at tumblr 
because i really really i want to be productive this year, i've started my project 52. thinking up ideas for weekly projects would (i hope) also keep my mind active for when i have to sit down and finally think of that ever-elusive thesis topic. if you guys have any ideas for projects/ anything creative you want me to do, just drop me a line here, and see you over at the thursday projects site! :)
Monday, January 4, 2010
new year blues
fact: i didn't send out "happy new year!" greetings this year. my new year has been more negative than positive, to be honest. completely different from christmas. these are the main reasons:
- my misplacing someone else's stuff and not being able to replace them
- my eviction from my comfort zone (the living room) and subsequent lack of sleep (due to the noise of household activities)
- the untimely death of castor & pollux (pugi & 2t have taken their spot in the betta tank), leading to the letting out of my bottled-up anger
- my being relocated to somewhere i don't like (in a room that the sun never visits, is farthest from fresh air, and is nearest to the noisy hub in the early mornings)
- the feeling of not belonging anywhere and being excluded
- my bad side just keeps showing up--and i am very, very good at sarcasm.
the new year (so far) has certainly not been in my favor.
on a positive note of reflection: yeah yeah, it's still too early to tell how the rest of the year will go, and the emotional challenges that have bombarded me this early are a good source of life's lessons i should put into good use from now on to become a better person.
i can't believe how corny i sound.
- my misplacing someone else's stuff and not being able to replace them
- my eviction from my comfort zone (the living room) and subsequent lack of sleep (due to the noise of household activities)
- the untimely death of castor & pollux (pugi & 2t have taken their spot in the betta tank), leading to the letting out of my bottled-up anger
- my being relocated to somewhere i don't like (in a room that the sun never visits, is farthest from fresh air, and is nearest to the noisy hub in the early mornings)
- the feeling of not belonging anywhere and being excluded
- my bad side just keeps showing up--and i am very, very good at sarcasm.
the new year (so far) has certainly not been in my favor.
on a positive note of reflection: yeah yeah, it's still too early to tell how the rest of the year will go, and the emotional challenges that have bombarded me this early are a good source of life's lessons i should put into good use from now on to become a better person.
i can't believe how corny i sound.
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