time and again i've been writing about it, how it's the only thing i need to do before i get that master's degree, how i've chosen yet a new topic, and how it's a major factor in my decision to quit my day job. ige reiterated his concern today, that i've been dwelling too much on something and making a big deal out of it. it's not my life's work.
he's right--and i told him yes, it's how i felt for my previous topic. i love (the idea of) that topic, on spaces and places, and it will always be a topic of interest. i'm still enjoying my time exploring it, and whether or not it will result in an academic (or not) paper remains to be seen, but it's there. it's always there, and i enjoy looking things up and discovering new things. let's just say it's a work in progress. it's dear to me.
but yes, for the thesis i'm set to do, the thesis i will be leaving my regular job for, involves something closer to home, something that would let me reflect more than explore, because it's always been there, a part of me. maybe i'll write more about it when i get the go signal. :)
the thesis isn't the only reason i'm quitting my job. there's just so many things i want to do next: academic and creative pursuits are filling my head right now, and i'm beginning to think, i'm not getting any younger. i have to take this chance to do what i really want. there are so many things i'm sure i can do, things that will make me "develop" more as a person. i feel i haven't been progressing, that my job has been holding me back from achieving more in the fields that i like, and i sometimes envy those 'younger kids' who have already accomplished so much at a young age...
getting the thesis over with would be a big burden off my back, but doing it is something i would enjoy. quitting the day job would make me breathe easier, free-er, albeit poorer. i would look forward to mornings again. spending my time as a volunteer would be more meaningful than sitting at a table hearing phones go off behind me. traveling to explore places and spaces would be more interesting than my daily monotonous commute. being productive in many ways would make me feel accomplished, happy, and in general, proud of my life's work.