Saturday, December 27, 2008

so this is christmas

photos everywhere. but i won't be posting any, not right now. not that my christmas was unpleasant. on the contrary, 2008 christmas week was one of, if not the best i had. that is, until last night to this afternoon.

an itty bitty bit of information reached me last night. did it do enough damage to my hapee holidays? somewhat. not much. good thing someone had a better head, and let it pass. me, i'm not good at letting things pass. my friends know how hot-blooded i am, facing/forcing an issue or an asshole head-on, but the past few months i've been learning to control myself, and i realized it also feels good to keep a wise silence, to let things be, to walk away.

good thing my friends aren't like me. thanks for calming me down guys, you know who you are.

as for the details, rather not put 'em down here. let's just say i hope it doesn't happen again. if it does happen again, well, to hell with the miserable entity who'll cause it. this really is getting so tiring. (i could hear our friend writer-picture taker-wushu master glenn atanacio--->present saying at this point, "ano pare, upakan na natin?" hahaha. the cholo and the martin would most probably agree, isn't that how sweet the glenn is?)

okay, enough of the negative energy! here's something christmasy: lotsa thanks to susa for the dvd. i did act surprised! :) you have to come by the house sometime with martin for our pizza afternoon. there's domino's just across the subdivision. (and bibingka, and kfc, and lechon manok, and burger machine...)

i did say this was probably the best christmas ever. i'd like to say the phrase "months in the making" but that wouldn't ring true. some of the time perhaps. the first day of my christmas fell on an ordinary day in september. i wrote a wishlist then too. i've looked forward to a better christmas since october. a taste of christmas fell on a november thursday. since then i've been celebrating little christmases every week. santa gave me a special present a few days before christmas--i'm relieved that he thinks i've been more nice than naughty this year. (eh?)

santa's gift was the only 'early' present that i really disciplined myself not to open until christmas. after midnight mass, the moment we got home, i rushed to the package and immediately felt like a cat with a new toy: ecstatically wide-eyed with curiosity, with excitedly playful paws. it didn't register right away what it was when i first saw it. when the lights finally flicked on in my head, i became dizzy. i realized it was because i'd stopped breathing, and just stared.

and recalled some things. chuckled.
realized. oh, so that's why... i even grew bold enough to think "(blah blah blah blah) after all."

after that frozen moment i ate my sopas and hamon smiling like an idiot. i thanked santa. then i received a message from santa saying that he, too, liked the 'note' i gave him. i'm glad he did. it was the only way i could show him how i felt, without looking so much like a stalking, screaming fan. (eh? again)

["(because if you can't say it on christmas when can you eh?)"]

a better christmas. yep. last year it was painful when i had my hair cut. my neck which was supposed to hold my head in place as the hairdresser pulled at my hair was very, very uhm...'newly-massaged' by a human garrote the previous night. it was painful to even turn to the side. today, i had another session with the same hairdresser, but this time i didn't wince.

blabber blabber blabber. the day after christmas i fixed my things, sorted out trash, gave away some stuff, made some much-needed space for books and cameras (two "new" ones for christmas!). now i'm at my desk--i have a desk! wow. and i found objects. some of these made it to the trash. i'd like to think i've grown wiser this year and have carefully chosen the things i want to remember when i grow old. none of the foolish sentimentality that came with the (turbulent) past relationships (spanning the years 2000-2008, hahaha). come on. i had to throw away some stuff so i can start again. throw. no more looking for it; i've learned from it. discard. it has served its purpose. let('s) go.

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