a lot of my daily musings about interesting projects to do and about life in general happen when i'm riding the bus to work. i stare out the window, but sometimes i don't really 'look'--my thoughts are elsewhere, planning, reminiscing, daydreaming. a couple of days ago i was in this state of mind, recalling the phone call i had with ige the night before. he was describing to me the photos from the set of negatives i had scanned by a photo store near his office and had him pick up after work. some of those photos were of my college buddies. we were part of a university-wide writers group, and i took the photo before a workshop. my thoughts flew to 'muses' and how they 'inspired' writers to come up with really good stuff. for example, gelo had his nymph (for a time), ramil had his duende, even fictional characters had their own muses.
it was at this point that i realized i didn't have one.
"hello good afternoon."
"miss lauren? si __ 'to ng hr."
"tanong ko lang, nagba-badminton ka ba?"
"ay hindi po eh, si __ po ang alam ko, pero hindi pala kami magka-team." (sa volleyball ako nagpalista)
"ah ganun ba, sige ok lang. ano nga pala, pwede ka bang mag-muse?"
[di ko na matandaan ang takbo ng usapan]
"may choice po bang iba? 'yung iba po sa blue team!"
"ikaw na kasi ang napili eh."
"aah." (so bakit nga pala nagtanong pa kayo?)
"so okay ka na ha."
"okay... sige po thank you, bye."
as i got out of the office this nagging thought came to mind: "what the hell am i going to wear?" i racked my brain for sports that didn't call for body-fitting outfits, and i came up with chess, "maybe i can go as a mountaineer", *what have i gotten myself into???*, "hey maybe i can wear a surfsuit with an inner tube and goggles", "i'd wear a blue dress! only i only have red ones...", and the 'easiest' sport to dress up in, running (i already have a singlet, which really isn't much.).
they were expecting the muse to dress "'yung medyo sexy", btw.
when i got home i told my parents that their eldest daughter is to be a muse for the employees' sportsfest. "'yung pang-jogging!" may dad suggested.
"the objectification of the body."
the last time i did anything close to representing a team physical beauty-wise was in sophomore year in high school. i was the designated miss intramurals for our class of nerds, and my then-boyfriend (he was my first 'boyfriend', and yes, i started in the intimate relationship business a little early) was the escort/mr. intrams. when i told my mom about it, she accompanied me to sm department store to pick an outfit. it was a blue striped top and a plain blue miniskirt. the next day i went back to sm and picked out a different outfit, a brick-orange sleeveless top and skirt, something you'd wear during a tennis match. i didn't tell my mom.
my friends helped me to look more like a girl by putting a pair of wedges on my feet, tying my hair up in pigtails, and adding a few dashes of blush on my cheeks.
one of our teachers said i looked like baby spice.
next week i'll be spending time with ige's family (+cousins) in ilocos.
the week after that, we're conducting a leadership training in zambales, by the beach.
the week after that is *the* sportsfest parade, where yours truly will be sashaying in full battle gear, whatever that is.
saturday after the parade, my cousin's getting married, a *very formal* and 'themed' event, and i still have nothing to wear.
the week after that, we have an exposure trip in marinduque.
after that, i'll only have a week to prepare for our annual youth camp.
ang haba ng hair ko 'no?
itigil na ang kahibangang ito. hindi ako mapagpursige sa larangan ng malikhaing pagsusulat. hindi ko kayang paglaruin ang mga talinghaga sa ilalim ng liwanag ng buwan ng aking kamalayan. wa akong k magpaka-makata at wala akong kwentang kwentista, sapagkat ako'y walang musa. ako ang musa!!!